What You Had to Do to Hook Up in the Victorian Era
The rules and suggestions for courtship and romance plus interesting letters of refusal to a marriage proposal. After marriage, the woman played the role of a dutiful wife and mother. The dating during the Victorian period was thus very different from what it is today. Dating in the Victorian era in America and in Britain meant navigating through The Marriage Guide for Young Men: A Manual of Courtship and Marriage () .
In those days, courtship was considered to be a tradition and was very popular.
Queen Victoria and her family were the idols of the Victorian society, even in the case of courtship. The society had laid down some stringent rules for courting and these had to be followed.
Sex and marriage: Victorian 19th century advice for single women - Telegraph
Love in Victorian era Social rules in the victorian era The primary method of knowing prospective suitors were Balls and dances. Society would know young Victorian ladies through a ball or dance. After marriage, the property of the woman was automatically transferred to her husband.
The Victorian girls, from the very beginning, were well trained and groomed to become the perfect wives and mothers.
A woman was never permitted to go out alone and meet a gentleman. Thus, some or the other kind of supervision was ensured when the couples were meeting.
- The Dating Traditions During the Victorian Period
- Courtship & Marriage In Victorian England
- Dating in the Victorian Age
Victorian etiquette for men courting A woman was never allowed to go out at night with a gentleman. There were many rules in respect of dating which were to be complied with. A single woman never addressed a gentleman without an introduction. No impure conversations were held in front of single women.
Dating and marriage in the Victorian era by chiara andreassi on Prezi Next
A woman could not receive a man at home if she was alone. Another family member had to be present in the room. There was no physical contact between the woman and the gentleman until marriage. That was the only touch, which was accepted between a man and a woman, who was not engaged to him. A woman was allowed some liberties, however. She could flirt with her fan, as this behavior was within the protocol of accepted behavior. An unmarried girl would never date a man at the night.
This was considered extremely impolite.
Even if the girl entered the stage of courtship, she could never walk with the gentleman. Women were restrained to ride alone in the closed carriage with a man, expect for a close relative. To readers today the index titles for these letters sound wildly humorous.
19th century advice for single women: 'Sexual indulgences should be kept to a minimum'
Consider the titles "Refusal on the grounds of dislike", "Refusal on the grounds of unsteadiness of the suitor", and "Refusal on the grounds that the suitor is much younger than herself". The short paragraph headed "Refusal on the grounds of dislike" is important information to a historian today for what it reveals about the life of men in That such a letter was not absurd to include in a serious work is mute testimony to the number of young men who "failed" in the world.
The contents of the letter are brief: The man who assisted in effecting a brother's ruin, is not a suitable partner for his sister; and a moment's reflection might have convinced you that your agency in the matter to which I allude, has earned for you, not the love, but the unchangeable dislike of Your conduct during the last two years has been made known to me, and, viewing you in the light of a dangerous man, I do not desire anymore intimate acquaintance.
I could not reasonably expect happiness from a union with an individual who has destroyed the mental quiet of more than one young person, by his total disregard for what is due to the weaker by the stronger sex The lady writes to her future husband that the company he is keeping of late is "fast" and that his associates are "prejudicial to his future prospects" in business and also, since possessed of greater fortunes than has he, are luring him into a life beyond his means.
Victorian era courtship rules and marriage facts
In nineteenth century America a young man was reared to look to his mother and sisters for moral guidance and away from these influences he was culturally unprepared to take a strong moral stand on his own. As a "victim" of the new technology, the town worker had more leisure than had even his recent ancestors. In search of ways to occupy his evenings when his pocket money was limited, he often fell in with other fellows like himself. It is curious that the same letter writing volume contains a form for a letter between young men-about-town which has the seeds for disaster on which the three foregoing letters touch: I trust you will be present on that occasion If he had acquired a taste for high living and the suitable young women were refusing his advances, perhaps he could find a wealthy widow.
At least enough young men had to be trying that route in order to justify the letter manual's inclusion of "Refusal on the grounds that the suitor is much younger than herself".